We’ve all been waiting months for the Hallmark Christmas movies to start (okay, maybe eliminate “all” from that opening phrase), which just shows we haven’t been paying attention because they’ve been going since October 17. There have been reruns running throughout the year, of course, but it’s the new ones we’re concerning ourselves with, and Hallmark hasn’t disappointed: they’ve made 24 new romantic Christmas offerings for 2025, and that’s actually down from some years’ output which topped forty in a single season. That’s a lot of single, attractive village event planners getting together with money-hungry stockbrokers who have returned to their hometown to rediscover the true meaning of Christmas.
The reduced output might be due to some former child stars being stretched thin for movie work this year, the possible departure of Candace Cameron Bure from the Hallmark brand, or perhaps Lacey Chabert wishing to spend more time with her family. My own theory is that they’re just running out of names for cozy country inns (“Hey, did we already use The Christmas Inn at Christmas Hollow? Oh okay, how about Balsam Inn on Christmas Tree Lane? That too?”).
I’m not too concerned about it, since quality over quantity should be the standard, and here I think Hallmark has risen to the occasion. Here’s one of this year’s offerings, continuing the genre’s fascination with royalty getting away from the royalty grind and meeting a sweet young widow who operates a struggling bakery in Pine Flats in an unnamed state. Actually in this case they did name the state and it’s a princess who’s getting away from it all in A Royal Montana Christmas. From People magazine’s summary:
Princess Victoria of Zelarnia (Fiona Gubelmann) flees to a quiet ranch in Montana to reflect on the Christmases she spent there with her father. Once she arrives, she’s greeted by the charming guide Huntley Blaylock (Warren Christie) who is unaware of her royal status and challenges her to live a true ranch life. The princess must decide whether she’ll take over the throne or embark on a new adventure with a rustic man.
My money is on the “rustic man,” and let her 12-year-old brother Skippy rule Zelarnia for a while. By the way, if you were wondering where Zelarnia is, it’s a town in Iowa about 60 miles west of the Quad Cities. They’ve quietly had a monarchy going for over 150 years. Most people in the town are unaware of it.
Anyway, there was a bluegrass Hallmark-esque movie (actually from Imagicomm Entertainment) that came out last year, and perhaps bluegrass fans and professionals should be satisfied with being thrown that bone, at least for a decade, but you know us: it’s always “what have you done for me lately?” So here I am again, suggesting Hallmark or Hallmark-like bluegrass-inspired Christmas movies. After all, we have royalty, too, though I can hardly imagine Rhonda Vincent giving up her crown for any rustic man, no matter how charming he is, and even if his name is Huntley. Now if he ran a year-round, good-paying bluegrass festival at his ranch, perhaps negotiations could take place.
If the last two sentences are picked up by any of the shady Facebook country music disinformation accounts, I’m going to be very upset.
Please come back next week for the movie plots. Right now we’re still in negotiation with Lacey Chabert and Billy Strings.
